I reluctantly became polyamorous 25 years ago when my wife, Guin, asked to open our marriage. Many friends expected our marriage to end decades ago with one of us running off with another lover, but I was convinced we lasted so long because we allowed space for other lovers. I was proud of what we achieved together and thought our marriage was bulletproof.
After losing a deeply significant relationship a few months ago, Guin decided she now wants to be monogamous. This would be fine except she also wanted me to drop my longstanding relationship with Morgaine. It has been a deeply painful and confusing time in my life, but also a period of deep learning and insight. I hope they prove useful to others exploring whether or how to be in loving, consensual relationships with multiple partners. Personal Growth In my blog post at consciouspolyamory.
Whether it is being open to flirting or contact improv or staying fit, polyamory keeps me more on my toes, introduces me to new ideas and ways of being, and reminds me to not take any of my relationships for granted. Over generations, marriage has become less about property and politics, and biracial and gay marriages have expanded its definition.
Expanded Love When it comes to love, our society suffers from a scarcity mentality. Love is often seen as a zero-sum resource and we often feel we have to prevent our partners from loving others for fear that it will deplete the love they have for us.
Similar to switching from fossil fuels to solar energy, polyamory reminds us that, like the sun, love is abundant and can be shared with multiple people in non-threatening ways. And really, on our deathbeds, will any of us regret trying to have loved more deeply and more often? But to me, it is all gray areas. Is it okay to have close friends of the attractive gender s? Is it okay to share secrets with them? Difficult emotions? A massage? A kiss? This requires a lot of communication, but hopefully results in greater clarity around our relationship dynamics, comfort levels, and boundaries.
