Posted September 14, Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them. It feels like that moment right before a storm, when the clouds start getting darker and move across the sky, forming a thick wall that blocks all the sunlight. Before you know it, the whole sky is dark, the birds have stopped chirping, and you can no longer feel the radiant warmth of the sun on your cheeks.
Some people walk around with an open invitation for someone, anyone, to save them and make them feel better. In my savior days, it felt like I was always getting a VIP invite that felt impossible to decline. Victims walk around with a dark cloud over them, hoping someone else will perform the rain dance and change the weather, part the dark clouds, and bring in the sunlight.
Pick me! But just like with a storm, no one has control over how another person feels about their life—not even the saviors.
When I was a savior I refused to believe this. You see, victims and saviors go together like Bonnie and Clyde, peanut butter and jelly, yin and yang, spaghetti and meatballs.
They feed off each other; they need each other to feel complete. Let me explain. In relationships, limits and boundaries are necessary so that each person takes responsibility for his or her own problems. People who maintain a strong sense of self in what they would call fulfilling relationships, such as those with family members, friends, or partners, are clear about their own values. They take ownership of those values and take responsibility for their part in any problems that may arise from their values being disrespected.
