As a middle-aged divorced woman seeking a mate to spend marital bliss with for the remainder of my life, I have been in the dating scene for a little while now.
Maybe my expectations are too high. I am a professional woman, independent and make a great living. Internet dating results in taxicab drivers, construction workers and I know this sounds condescending but I want a professional with same goals as I have. So I joined "Its Just Lunch. Here's my question: A lot of the internet profiles posted as well as initial conversation with guys I meet on "Its Just Lunch" make it very clear to me the guy's intention: a physical relationship. In today's dating world I am beginning to wonder if sex is more "expected" and if a guy knows it is not the most important thing in my mind, will the relationship continue?
Moral values do not seem to enter into the dating picture these days and I find adults often act the same way teenagers do: live for today and worry about tomorrow later. At this point I'm disillusioned. Some days I wonder if it is worth it. I do sometimes feel that if you have morals and don't believe in casual sex that you will end up on the sideline. What kind of responses did you receive to this column?
I got tons of mail. All but one from women. It's not a condescension. I doubt, for example, that I would ultimately fall for a woman who does not have a significant formal education background. No matter what else worked, I think my interest would wander unless the woman in question could push me to think. You'll see this same dynamic in Hollywood, where stars tend to date and marry stars. Well, of course. They understand each other. You're on to something, but I would say it slightly differently.
I would say that it is LESS common -- and therefore more surprising -- to meet someone who places strict moral rules around sexual interaction, for example, no sex until marriage, or until we're engaged, or until we have 20 dates, or until we can make a commitment to exclusivity, etc. In that sense, then, the expectation is, for most moderns, that significant dating relationships will include sex.
