Things seem to go well β the other person is sweet and charming and seems enthusiastic about seeing you again. A study found that three in 10 adults in the United States have ventured into that milieu. And since the pandemic began, that number has climbed even higher. Often, these forays are successful: The same study found that nearly 60 percent of online daters reported positive experiences. But online dating can involve a darker side, too. Or maybe what started out as a fun adventure has become more rejection-filled and time-consuming, making the search less enjoyable and leaving you feeling burned out.
Ghosting , or exiting a burgeoning relationship without a word, is a routine occurrence. Clarissa Silva, MSW, a behavioral scientist and the creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method, says that 80 percent of Millennials report having experienced it or one of its derivatives, benching or breadcrumbing β as have 50 percent of Gen Xers. Key to moving on after being ghosted, benched, or breadcrumbed is to understand that it has nothing to do with you. Stop replaying events, rereading texts, or otherwise ruminating over the situation.
Whether they respond or not, you did your best and can now move on with your self-esteem intact to find a better match. A video hang before meeting in real life is a great idea, says relationship scientist Marisa T.
If you connect with someone based on something specific in their profile β maybe you went to the same college, or you both love zydeco music β lead with that in a conversation. The fast-paced digital realm means even more opportunities for rejection. Silva warns that repeated rejection can lower your self-esteem and increase insecurity, depression, and anxiety. That can create a cycle of guilt and resentment. You will be right for someone. It passes the time, and it becomes addictive.
Remind yourself that there are real people β with real feelings β behind the profiles. Writing witty and appealing profile text, choosing the most flattering photos, drafting first messages to potential dates β all these things take time and effort.
