Q: Can you tell me how to control sexual desires when single? A: Whether you are a man or woman, dealing with sexual desire is something that you will face at many points in your unmarried life and then again in different ways through your married life as well. Learning to deal with these desires in a healthy way is a discipline that will last you deep into your married life as well.
There are many people who would say that they understand that their sexuality and sexual desire are a God-given, God-created gift- but how do take the next steps in keeping those gifts from becoming a point of struggle? How do you handle them when you have no means of expressing them as an unmarried individual? How do you allow them to point you to Jesus, rather than keep you away? More than anything else, our desire for sex and sexual intimacy is evidence of our need to connect.
We are relational beings, who even by the nature of our physiological makeup, are created to be in connection with other human beings. First, we must allow our desires to bring us in connection with God. What I mean by this is that so many times we are wired to run from God in guilt, fear, and shame when we are struggling with our sexual desires.
As a mother of four, I know that the LAST thing I want my children to do when they are truly struggling is to go and hide. I want them to come to me, to talk with me, to share with me and allow me to enter into their struggles. I want to hold them, to help them, and to heal them in any way that I can when they are hurting, afraid, or in need. We need to thank Him for the longings that we have, and use those longings to draw us even closer to Him.
But the first step is always to connect with Him. There are times when the gravity of our sexual desire correlates with the state of our emotional needs. We need to feel loved, accepted, and to belong.
