Is Nanny so under appreciated? When I was a nipper, I was lucky enough to have had several people look after me in my early years. She was absolutely terrifying complete with white apron and hat like a server from Mickey D.
I was always free to question her decisions, but rarely had the temerity to do so. She could probably have made me pee in my pants. But then again I adored her! She foisted upon me manners and life lessons along with traits and hang-ups that still haunt me now. But when I was ill or hurt she was the ultimate comforter. Having been grilled over my appearance, told to always comb my hair, and forced to wear sensible lace up shoes when going on walks, she at least left me with the ability to tie a bow⦠let alone a sense of complete shame if my fingernails are dirty.
Later on we switched to Au Pair girls, some of whom were breathtakingly beautiful. I remember a blond Danish girl called Bambi who was the spitting image of Julie Christie. She taught me a Danish nursery rhyme that I can still perform at the drop of a Danish bacon sarnie. I cannot repeat with such clarity anything else from that period. It was in fact a relief to trim my beard as I was starting to look like Grizzly Adams. Tying up shoelaces took a bit of practice but I got there. Knotting my first tie in two and a half years was a challenge.
I also tried to tie a bow tie. The result looked like a drunken moth. Trousers were something else. When did the tailor fairies come into my house and take all my trousers in? I had to shoehorn myself into my smart trousers recently. If I sneezed my fly zipper would have come undone. It appears this is as fictional as the Downing Street parties. Someone has inserted a Space hopper into me. I am being horsewhipped into training five days a week, with my wife giving me the evil eye every time I even mention a carbohydrate.
Do I have to listen to drivel? Jargon is really a verbal hedge professionals hide behind The truth is most businesses are not that complex, but to make everyone think someone has an IQ the size of a planet, people make up complex words acronyms if in the Army that no one understands. If you have to yell at people you are wearing a Dolce and Gabbana top, a Gucci jacket, Louis Vuitton bag or La Perla knickers you must be more insecure than a Labour candidate in an upcoming U.
