My husband and I are in our mids, which means all of the responsibilities and life goals we put off in our 20s when we first started dating hit us like a ton of bricks in the past few years.
All of a sudden, we were less concerned about going out on dates and planning cute little weekend trips to the mountains youth! When we got married, no one gifted us a guide on how to navigate a bajillion life pressures at once, so more often than not, we wound up discussing our financial goals, career aspirations, holiday plans or family planning steps all-of-the-damn time.
This, as you can imagine, had a tendency to suck the romance out of our quality time together. Relaxing evenings on the couch transformed into draining conversations about when our taxes were due.
This super healthy heh habit continued until my therapist suggested we set up a weekly housekeeping meetingβa state of the union if you willβto go over all of the logistical BS on our collective plate. Hi, I am proof. If you make the same mistake my husband and I once did and talk about your to-dos at all hours of the day, it can take an unnecessary toll on what might otherwise be a wonderful relationship. Without boundaries around them, these tense discussions can take over and define the relationship, Manes says.
And they can also cause partners to fall into a dicey pattern where one person feels responsible for keeping the couple on task, while the other constantly feels nagged, leading to feelings of blame, anger, defensiveness, and even resentment. Scheduling check-ins is the easy part: Pick a time and a day when you and your partner are freeβblock off 30 to 45 minutes on your calendar.
