When I was growing up, my recently-divorced mother had a group of recently-divorced friends who all used to go out and try to meet men together. All of them were looking for love β or whatever rough approximation of it that they could fit in between work, family, and some surprisingly contentious PTA meetings β but my mother had one friend who seemed to be looking a little harder than everyone else.
Her name was Lydia, and her drive for companionship seemed to make her a bit of a pariah among the singles mixer crew all of whom were legit looking for second husbands like it was their second job.
How could I tell that Lydia was "desperate," as my mom often described her? Because Lydia went to bars by herself. Decades later, now grown up into an introvert with a "colorful" personality, I do tons of things alone. I eat out alone , go to the movies alone, and I once traveled to Austria alone. But somehow, going to bars alone to relax has never made it into my regular rotation.
I mean, I had gone out to bars alone in the past β but always with the express purpose of getting laid, and generally after I had drinks with a group of friends beforehand. In fact, I met my boyfriend of four years while alone at a bar But even when it was a regular part of my life, I had never really enjoyed doing it.
I always saw it more as a means to an end than anything else. And now that I was partnered, I had a hard time imagining what I'd get out of drinking alone. I'm a feminist, and believe that everyone should be allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want.
