I love you. My heart swelled with love and gratitude that she was growing up to be such a wonderful, considerate young woman, reaching out to offer her mama some genuine love. The feeling lasted for a few moments as I reread this cherished text over and over. But then something caught my attention. Something was up, and I needed to get to the bottom of it. I love my internship with the elephant rescue project. An all-expenses-paid trip to Thailand, I assume!
We had already paid for a study-abroad experience the previous spring semester where she taught elementary school for four months in a poor, remote village in Fiji. It was an incredible, life-changing experience mentally and spiritually.
But now her hopeful request to pay for a summer trip to Thailand finally sent me over the edge of sanity. My entire annual salary is consumed by two kids currently in college, despite some merit scholarships they earned. Did my kids even have a clue? Why had I failed so miserably as a parent and ended up raising such entitled kids? Agitated, I reflected on why this ungratefulness bothered me so much.
Was it because I had invested and sacrificed so much because I love them, or was it because I needed the validation that I was a great mom and it felt nice when my kids thanked me? God sent his one and only son to die a hideous death as a common criminal even though he was without sin in order to give us eternal lifeโ just because he loves us. But there are many days I forget to live a life that oozes gratitude for this great sacrifice. And there are many other days when I feel lonely and inadequate and I forget how much Jesus loves and wants me.
Yet despite my frequent lack of gratitude, he sticks with me and promises to never leave or turn his back on me. Gratitude often comes in hindsight, when kids look back on the college years and opportunities they were given with the grateful perspective that comes from maturity. Her voice cracked on the other end of the phone as she apologized for her request to fund her Thailand trip, and she thanked me for all of the ways I had sacrificed for her.
