I saw the rest of my life as one thick calendar, with each sheet representing another year left on earth. But we squander our healthy peak years at our peril. Especially when it comes to love. What is the limbo between being in a relationship and also not being in one?
Maybe you both hang out at the weekends. Or you hook up after work occasionally. There is often a bias that causes us to view a situationship as undesirable: a sad place to be, a second-best option, a rejection. But there are upsides and obvious reasons one would choose this not-quite-a-relationship state of affairs for themselves.
It lets both of you decide to get together only when you need physical intimacy, or casual sex, or just a person to hang out with at the weekend. Soon enough one of you is likely to catch feelings. Now you have someone to call when you feel lonely. Attention is focus. Attention is opportunity cost. Saving the world. Doing your best work. Eating at Taiwanese night markets. These are all worthy endeavours you need energy to complete.
If a situation with someone, no matter how occasionally gratifying sexually or otherwise begins to eat into precious time you want to spend on other important things, you need to cut loose. Yes, but at least with that you know there is a long-term investment in something you both want to grow. With a casual relationship, you can end up doubling the waste: you may sacrifice time that could be spent on other parts of your life AND stime that might be better spent on actually meeting the person with whom you can build a real relationship.
And they are always slipping away. If you feel yourself suddenly sliding in your career. Or spending hours you could have enjoyed with friends endlessly dealing with drama, or wondering aloud what he really feels, or you find yourself compromising in other pursuits even though you have no idea where this is going, then you are inflicting self-damage.
